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i put on a grrt show with every mask , do applause
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I want to go....!!!
Tuesday, 27 November 2007
A heart thumping feeling. it's as if its going to explode soon. If I say I want! And I won't stop doing anything to get it! Its no fair! I really want to go to My chemical Romance's concert this December! AAAARRRGGGHH!! I fell like screaming! But mom just won't let me. she tied me up and locked my mouth. Some how I have to go. I'll die for it. Free tickets maybe?? Anyone have extras? You want to know why? This is WHY!!
Saturday, 17 November 2007
Maybe you don't realise. or maybe you don't want to. you've change so much that I can't stand it anymore! You used to be on the bright side. but now you've gone to the dark side. You blame everyone, its not you at all. You seem more bossy. worst than the girl you hate. You hurt us so much, till we can't say a word. World seems so fine, but you've taken us aback. It isn't fair at all. It was always you that could do and say everything you WANT! And for one word, we were sentence to death. We couldn't talk back. 'Cause we care. Did I make The right decision?
Saturday, 10 November 2007
Ok, the fight is really over. She seek forgiveness from me. I forgave her and did the same. But did I make the right decision? Will I regret later on? Will there be another fight in the future? Will she hurt me again? But... If she happen to hurt me again, I'm a different person now. I'll fight back. I won't repeat the same mistake. Yana... You're known to be strong. But then again. Everyone has a weakness or two. My weakness is friends. My weakness will still be my friends. But I have to fight back. I must ease my fears. FRIENDSHIP IS SO CONFUSING!
Friday, 9 November 2007
I don't understand. I'm so confuse at the moment. many says that fatin is behind all this. But the girl herself said she didn't. Just now, I've talked to her. She said that 'syazwani' told her a different story. it wasn't the truth though. Syaz, your the want making up the stories. I'm, very confused! who is telling the truth? why am I always the victim? If no one is going to admit, I have no choice but to leave everyone. It is for my good. I'm taking syazwani's advice. she said to leave all the friends that hurt her. Since everyone is hurting me, I'll leave them all. Life is nothing without friends. You're right syaz, I'll take the decision to be friends with all the boys instead. The boys never hurt me. But they do hurt me physically. I'd rather be hurt physically than mentally. but now I need to find the truth. "SYAZWANI SUFRI"
you are still blaming me. you accuse me for stealing your so called friends. I'm not stealing your friends. they admit they don't like you and what your doing. so they turned to me. I've got prove that you hurt me. You don't. I've even got witnesses. And today, we were playing as if we were friends. I don't believe it. I know your just acting. and again, STOP BLAMING PEOPLE!! JUST FOR ONCE! FOR ONCE ONLY! BLAME YOURSELF! Who the HELL are you?
Tuesday, 6 November 2007
Immediately after the fight, your name, your image, your presence and everything about you evanescent. all of them disappear as if you never really exists. Just in a flash, the heartthrob was gone. I WAS FREE! AT LAST! Now I know, the cause for the heartthrob was YOU! After that, your presence never exists. Even you're there, you're invincible to me. All I see was nothing. NOW CAN YOU PLEASE STOP CONTACTING ME CAUSE. WHO THE HELL ARE YOU? "SYAZWANI SUFRI" (I can't believe i'm actually writting her name on my blog!)
Syaz, Syaz.. If you don't know me,then don't make up stories that doesn't exists! Revenge is totally not my game. Why am I faithed to know and be her victim all the way? Syazwani... you seem religious. But your just a Satan masked with a human face! You don't seem to understand. What you said and do were VERY SINFUL! I'm all filled with fury and revenge. But all I do is to be patient and keep my hands and mouth to myself. (unlike her!) I'm taught to be patient and I'll leave it all to JUDGMENT DAY. I know she'll accept faith with what retribution she'll receive from god. just like what she'd said. It's TOTALLY ME! STOP BLAMING OTHERS!
You said that I think its 'cool' to say a lot of 'backwords'. Hello! its bad word, not 'backwords'. I don't say words like 'fuck'. I only say words like selenger, siol, siak. those are not bad words.FYI. But if it is to you. P.S! I'm not saying those words because I think its 'cool'. I've been talking like that since I was in tampines. I don't think it is 'cool'. I tried to stop, (last time) but couldn't! Its because I'm used to talking like that! Why if I talk with words selenger, siol, siak is a SERIOUS OFFENSE? You saying words like selenger bacin is totally on top of the world! If you want to be enemies with me just say it! you don't have to hurt me with you words, accuse me and find reason like these to make us enemies. Syaz, please stop showing off and acting cool. You know you're not. Stop saying me this, that. It proves that it was you instead. I AM ME ALL THE WAY. I NEVER CHANGE A SINGLE BIT. IF I CHANGE, ITS BECAUSE OF YOU! NOT MY BROTHER! NOW YOU'VE SIN TO MY BROTHER FOR BLAMING HIM FOR THE CHANGE IN ME! I HOPE YOU WILL GET A RETRIBUTION FROM GOD! IF YOU WANT TO BLAME SOMEONE, DON'T ALWAYS BLAME OTHERS! I'M PISSED IF ANYONE BLAME OR GET MY FAMILY MEMBERS INVOLVED. YOUR ARE SINFUL TO MY INNOCENT BROTHER WHO DOESN'T KNOW ANYTHING! I WON'T GET REVENGE. I'M PATIENT. I'LL JUST PRAY THAT YOU'LL GET RETRIBUTION FROM GOD! So 'syazwani'? still blaming me?
I know we're enemies. I'm happy we are. But that doesn't mean you can accuse me for anything. You accuse me for changing your shoutout? Syaz...Syaz.. you are the same from the day I first met you. You like to blame on ME! You like to accuse PEOPLE without prove! you change your hotmail and your password. just change it. I don't care. Now she accuse me for doing 'revenge' on her. Why must I get revenge on her? I'm happy that she left me because all my suffer has ended. I'm happy she left me, then why must I get revenge on her? It doesn't make sense at all. She said I think I'm perfect. NO ONE IS PERFECT EXCEPT YOU! SYAZWANI, THE 'PERFECT' GIRL! SHE HAS EVERYTHING SHE WANTS! BEWARE OF HER! YOU MIGHT BE HER NEXT VICTIM! Monday, 5 November 2007
You ripped my heart out and tore it into pieces. I really thought I could trust you, I thought you really care. I thought we're meant to be friends forever. But it was all a lie, You said you would help. But you just made me cry. The friendship, the promises, the praises. ALL OF IT WERE LIES! LIES!!! All you did since we met was hurting me. Since we met, My heart shattered day by day. Feeling hurt, the pain, THE COLD. I long to tell you how I feel. But my heart was telling me, NO! - afraid you'd be hurt. My heart was wrong. I shouldn't kept quiet. Now, only a tiny piece of my heart is left. I feel like telling you, killing you! I don't care what you'd feel! How could I tell you? How can I ease my fears? Would I hurt myself instead? (AGAIN) BUT I CAN'T JUST STAND THERE! Being hurt by you is my WORST fear! Since you exists.
Since we met, friendship was tied. We were friends. But I didn't know what was coming. Since we were friends, my life began to shatter as days go by. At first I didn't why, but after a while , I realised. You! You are the one who tore my heart into pieces. day by day passed. I couldn't hold on anymore. Just a little shattered piece of my heart was left. I don't know why. Why could I bare the pain I've gone through just because of you? Why did I just kept quiet when you hurt me? You were there pestering about the small words I've just said that might hurt you. But it didn't hurt you at all. You were using those words as reasons for you to hurt and kill me. When at last you left. all the pain had stopped. But it was too late, only a tiny piece of my heart was saved. Nothing could be done to mend it back. Not even you. But I'm so glad I'm free from you. DON'T ALWAYS BLAME ME!
Thursday, 1 November 2007
WHEN I HURT YOU, YOU ALWAYS COMPLAIN AND SCOLDED ME. WHEN YOU HURT ME, ALL I DO IS KEEP QUIET. WHY? IT IS BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO HURT YOU. THANK YOU YANA! THANK YOU! SO MUCH OF "NOT WANTING TO HURT OTHERS", YOU HURT YOURSELF INSTEAD! I'VE BEEN KEEPING ALL THE PAIN TO MYSELF. BUT I NEVER EVEN SPILL OUT WHAT YOU DID WHICH HURT ME. EVERY TIME I DO THIS, MY HEART KEEP SAYING. "YANA! STOP THINKING OF WHAT OTHERS FEEL! THEY DON'T EVEN CARE ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS WHY MUST YOU?" WHAT MY HEART SAYS IS TRUE. DON'T TO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH PAIN I MUST GO THROUGH JUST TO PREVENT YOU FROM GETTING HURT?! NO YOU DON'T KNOW!! INSTEAD YOU CONTINUED TO HURT ME! MORE THAN I HURT YOU! Broken
Syaz, again you blamed me. You said that I hurt you everyday. Like I said I hurt you for a reason.The reason is that you hurt me.You also said I hurt everybody. OKAY! I DID!! BUT I HURT THEM BECAUSE THEY HURT ME!You read the part where you said,"SOMETIME I NVR DO ANITING SAID ME LIKE SELENGE OR BODOH OR ANITING".LET ME EXPLAIN!TO YOU!YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!IT IS BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T REALIZE YOU HURT ME.EVERY TIME YOU HURT ME, YOU THINK ITS A JOKE!BUT ITS NOT TO ME!THE OTHERS ALSO HURT ME. THAT IS WHY I HURT THEM!ALL OF YOU HURT ME TOO MUCH!WHEN I SAID STOP!ALL OF YOU CONTINUED!DON'T YOU KNOW HOW HURT I WAS! YOU SAID THAT I HURT YOU A BILLION TIME! DO YOU NOW THAT ALMOST EVERY SINGLE WORD YOU SAY EVERYDAY HURT ME?I KNOW YOU DON'T!EVEN THOUGH I HATE ALL OF YOU! I STILL GO OUT WITH YOU GUYS BECAUSE, AS YOU SAID SYAZ,"but life is nothing without frens".NOW YOU GOT YOUR ANSWER! syaz:IS LIKE MY CHOICE IF I WANT TO LISTEN WITH HER OR NOT!!U HURT EVERY BODY YOU HURT ME WITH THOSE WORDS. the conversation
syaz:btw i am not lying myself wat u see everyday,that is wat i am and that time when u turn up 4 school the next day u see that all the malay gerls was not talking to u u think that i tell them not to friend u but fyi i am not they do not want to friend u is wat they want if u dun trust me u can ask the others me:i nvr wanted to fren them syaz:i know coz..u hate all of us me:and im honest about tht syaz:ya i noe but the only thing that is strange is... although u hate all of us,u still hang out with us:? i read ur personal message me:i dont hate evryone 100% syaz:and i just wanna say that that is wat u think but life is nothing without frens that is my opinion look i dun want to fight with u again or any other time coz...it makes me sad u might think that i am a backstabber but r u one of them me:im honest tht i am but i only backstab backstabbers syaz:so do i and i know that i am a backstabber u can say aniting u want to me now!! me:read me PM syaz:well u also follow me if u realise that my decision is ............ me:What I mean is a decision about frenship syaz: leave all the fren that make i sad everyday and about frenship is......... do wat u think 4 t7hge best *the do wat u think 4 the best me:you always follow others when don fren me,you follow them at the end you say you actually fren me and don want to follow them syaz:huh... i dun twist my stories i think u make it up me:no i don syaz:how do u noe u are not inside my bodt *body me:hello! syaz:or wat hello me:you told me tht syaz:told wat:? i dun follow others i have my own personality me:tht time fatin told all of you not to fren me, u agreed at the end you told me tht u fren me syaz:can;t i just fake it me:n said tht u don want to listen to her syaz:is gd enough that i fren u i faking me:but it didnt happen once syaz:her!! me: it happen many times! syaz:gd how about u:?:? u dun think only about me but u u always hurt me everyday me:i was neglected many times! syaz:u dun understand other people feeling when u make jokes or me:u were lucky ur not syaz:wat lucky me:u are lucky tht ur NEVER neglected syaz:u think:? me:yeah! syaz:i feel neglected a few times how do u noe if i neglected or not u also noe NOTHING WAT I NSIDE OF ME!! me:all the girls were always with you! syaz:SO WAT UR POINT:? me:make your own decision! if fatin tell you not to fren me,n if you fren me. PLEASE DON'T LISTEN TO HER! syaz:IS LIKE MY CHOICE IF I WANT TO LISTEN WITH HER OR NOT!! me:YOU SAID I HURT YOU EVERYDAY! BUT YOU HURT ME MORE! syaz:U HURT ME A BILLION TIMES WITHOUT U KNOWING IT OR SHOULD I SAY THAT me:I HURT YOU FOR A REASON! syaz:U HURT EVERY ODY me:THEN AGAIN,I HURT YOU FOR A REASON! I ONLY HURT WHEN YOU HURT ME! syaz:SOMETIME I NVR DO ANITINU SAID ME LIKE SELENGE OR BODOH OR ANITING me:TO YOU YOU DIDNT DO ANYTHING BUT ACTUALLY YOU DID ITS JUST THT U DIDNT REALISE YOUR HURTING ME syaz:like playing the gamr ogf stress, u said me selenge or even to sufiqa me:YOU DID SOMETHING THT MAKE ME MAD OR HURT I WONT DO ANYTHING WITHOUT A REASON
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