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i put on a grrt show with every mask , do applause
DAR-Links |
Learning from my mistake
Monday, 29 October 2007
mistake: trusting friends lesson learned: not to trust my friends especially her! so now I know. never to trust friends. she betrayed me to many times. she said, "Can friends be trusted 100%? The question kept swirling in my head. some time i wonder that all the friends that i have rite now be hiding something behind my back... but too bad too sad i still dun have the answer.. blah..blah..blah... I know that it is not easy to go through all this by myself but i promised that i will try my best." see the first sentence? Since when I betray her? she's the one who betrayed me! so now I know, DON'T EVER TRUST FRIENDS! If you still don't understand READ THIS! Let me Explain AGAIN!
you said that you didn't care what I say or do.You said your moving on. But do you realize what your talking? Here, let me explain. You've been talking about things that I hate. You've also forced me to like it.Maybe to you your not, but with what you said YOU ARE! Forcing me to like "Hannah Montana" or whatever the heck it is. I really hate it. Don't you understand? And your always blaming me on everything that happened. ESPECIALLY THE FIGHT. You said you HATE me.YOU KNOW WHAT? I SHOULD BE THE ONE TO SAY THAT! NOT YOU!! You said my words make you cry.But do you know your words were FORCING, PUSHING and IRRITATING ME? If I told you that, you would deny it and the fight would get worst. "Hannah Montana's songs are about 'FRIENDSHIP'.Her songs are so nice! blah..blah..blah..blah..." Those words tells me that you want me to like 'Hannah Montana'. So what if it's about friendship? You know I HATE it.So stop persuading me to like it! You also mentioned that I should not come and look for you. Why should I? What for? You did also mentioned "so why is it so hard to tell the lies you told me?" ALL THE LIES I TOLD YOU?SINCE WHEN I LIED TO YOU?THE ONE WHOSE LYING!YOU LIED TO ME EVERY TIME!YOU LIED TO ME ABOUT OUR FRIENDSHIP! I know your pretending to friend me. Why is it so hard to see that your lying? Why is it so hard to tell that your just acting? Why do I always fall into your TRAP? The trap to destroy me. You should think before you say anything. You made yourself hate me.And your blaming me for it.I can't believe I trusted you. I can't believe I've fallen into all your traps. You said you don't care what I say or do right? So I hope you won't do anything to change it. So..
so.. your still lying to yourself? you might be asking, lying about what? lying that you care about me! lying that I'm your friend! all our friendship all this years are just lies! since you said that you don't care what I do or say, that means for what I've written here is nothing and you don't care. so I'm expecting you not apologizing. If you do, I won't forgive. Say what you want, do what you desire. I DON'T CARE! I know your saying that I have no heart because I don't care what others feel. the answer is simple, for what you've done all these years had destroyed my heart. Can you believe that? the person I trusted had killed my heart! blah blah blah
Sunday, 28 October 2007
you said, "So why is it so hard to see all the lies you tell me I'm getting out, I'm moving on and I AM OVER IT!!-i dun care what u sayin, i dun care what you doin, never really had me I AM OVER IT!!" your words never really make sense but I try to understand. from what I try to understand, your blaming it all on me. your saying that I've been telling lies. I never lie. the one whose lying is you, you've been lying to me. you've been lying to yourself! I can't believe I trusted you! I can't believe I've fallen into your trap many times. Why is it so hard to avoid your trap? why is it so hard to tell that your lying? why is it so hard to tell your pretending? Why am I so stupid to believe every single thing you told me? why? WHY??? WHY????? Its not worth it
even though you made the mistake, even though you started the fight. I thought of apologizing, but you words and attitude made me think again. its not not worth it. cause you will repeat your mistake. and you still don't understand. you said I'm perfect. think again. your mindless brain can't work properly. if I'm perfect, I would have everything. which includes: friends perfect exam grades everything will be perfect. but have you thought of it correctly. I don't have it all. your the one whose "perfect" you have friends who won't leave you. not even once. your never neglected. mostly, I'm not perfect because of you. your not only bossy, but evil in the inside. acting innocent in the outside. so.. I'M THE ONE WHO SHOULD SAY, I HATE YOU! Still don't understand?
you made yourself hate me. you just don't understand what I meant. you made the mistake, you blame me, and you said you hate me. I'M THE ONE SHOULD SAY THAT! you started it! you know what I hate so don't even talk about it! and the way you say it, was as if your forcing me to like it! but actually yes! you were forcing me to like it! maybe to you not. but to me yes! you didn't realize that you were forcing me to like it! if you still don't understand then fine! I'm not forcing you. but if your pretending not to understand, then BACK OFF! GROW UP!!
Monday, 22 October 2007
I miss the old days in P5. In P6, everyone seems to be matured already. ALL EXCEPT ME! Why must we grow up? okay, that I understand... but must our attitude change? I'm still the old playful me. Everyone's telling me to grow up. (they meant about my attitude[if you don't know]) I miss the days we, as a group. This year is the last year we're together. Next year most of us are going to different schools. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! Breaking free!!!
Sunday, 21 October 2007
today I told him we break up! don't you know how happy I was? He is the most dumb, stupid and pathetic boy I've ever met! (well actually never met him in person) he is one weak emo boy. always crying. he is totally not my type. he is totally the opposite of me. now, he'll be crying like hell!! hahaha! Did I make the right step?
Wednesday, 17 October 2007
did i make the right step? I stead with him today. but honestly, I didn't really love him. he takes this seriously, god..help me. maybe stead for a few months, and then break? maybe yes. he probably won't know it. I'm good at keeping this type of situation a secret. I'd better not let it out. To 'you'
Friday, 12 October 2007
I tried talking nicely, it meant the opposite for you. You never understand what I meant. Your always saying that I don't understand what you mean. Let me get it straight. Your the one who don't understand. You said it isn't fair. Let me make you realize. We are fair. You hit me, I hit you. You back stabbed me, I back stabbed you. You hurt me..., (well this wants not fair) I kept quiet. We are almost fair. so.. It is you whose not FAIR! to 'HER'
I want us to be friends, forever. I want us to be besties, for life. I want no fights, between us. I want peace, no backstabbing. I want us to be fair, to each other. (no blaming, hurting, secrets.) But I know we can't be together, you kept blaming, I kept denying. We will never be together, you hurt me to much. you said I'd no feelings, it's because you torn my heart into pieces. there's no more heart for me to feel. Her
She doesn't care about me anymore. tomorrow is Hari Raya Aidilfitri.. the day we should forgive and forget to friends and families she is religious, yet, she did a lot sins. when I said I would not attend school anymore because she's happy I'm not there, she said: Like I Care She always say that I always say and do things without thinking how others would feel. Now it's my turn to say: Upon all the bad things you said about me, have you ever realize that all you said about me reflects the things you did, not me! for all the tears you cried, IT'S WORTHLESS! THOSE ARE FAKE TEARS! BFFN
I thought we were friends. friends forever where you say, "Nobody can break our friendship. We are BFFL!" Come to think of it, I think I was delusional that time. And those words were just delusion. You never cared, you back stabbed me (don't lie!) Have you ever thought, every single word you said might hurt me. Every single thing you did might hurt me. Every expression, every call, every sms, EVERYTHING! you know what? Its no 'might hurt' but.. IT DID HURT ME THOROUGHLY! but I kept quiet about it, not wanting you to get hurt. but what you did is, you said I had no heart, I didn't think what others might feel. you said, every single thing I did, every single word, that i said and did might hurt others. You shouldn't be the one to say that! IT SHOULD BE ME! I did admit if I really did it! You never admit! I can't believe I trusted you! I'VE FALLEN INTO YOUR TRAP TO MUCH! Victim(always)
the VICTIM will always be the VICTIM I'm the VICTIM of all my friends backstabbing me, hurting me, embarrassing me. do all you want! I DON'T CARE! you HATE me! you know what? LIKE I CARE! I'M PROUD AND HAPPY THAT YOU HATE ME! YOU SAID I DID THIS, I DID THAT! I HURT HER, I HURT YOU, EVERYBODY! AT LEAST I DO ADMIT I DID IT! NOT LIKE YOU FUCKERS! WHO DON'T EVEN DARE TO ADMIT! WHAT'S MORE! YOU PRETENDED NOTHING HAPPEN! DON'T ACT INNOCENT! 'CAUSE YOU NEVER ARE! KILL ME! PLS!!!
Friday, 5 October 2007
can anyone please kill me? or at least make me INVINCIBLE! (I am INVINCIBLE!) EVERYONE PLEASE SAY THAT I'M: DUMB STUPID WORTHLESS USELESS you know you're right. you are.. I keep falling into their traps. their faking words. faking promises. faking friendship. now, I don't know who to trust. I don't even trust myself. not even my parents. the person I depend ON.. had thrown me away, without any reason. After all I've done for you! YOU THROW ME AWAY! I'VE HELPED YOU THROUGH YOUR MISERY! NOW! YOU LEAVE ME IN MY MISERY! YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU SHOULD NEVER BE IN MY LIFE SINCE I'M BORN! hate her.(always)
Tuesday, 2 October 2007
everyone thinks we're best friends. best friends? BEST FRIENDS? DID THEY JUST SAY THE WORD 'BEST FRIENDS'? I HATE HER AND SHE HATES ME!! HOW ON EARTH ARE WE GONNA BE BEST FRIENDS! ouhk. spread the words. we're enemies. I will hate her. always. hate her.(always)
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